I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
