He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize