she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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