You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
