sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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