Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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