if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
