I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
