There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
