I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
