what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
