Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
