i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
