we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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