Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize