Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
