He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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