the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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