Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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