yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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