This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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