So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize