im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
