When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
