so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize