I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
