Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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