Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
