she was so not down for the gang bang
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
