did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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