1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
