They should really pass out barf bags in church
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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