i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You're breaking my sexual little heart
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
