I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
All I want is dick and wine.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
