I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
