so explain again why im purple
no
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
