Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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