What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
