i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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