Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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