I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
