He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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