In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
