Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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