Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
