You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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