i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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