One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
