There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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