he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
