do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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