What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
