is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
