I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
