tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
