I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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