your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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