My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
