wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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