Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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