turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
