I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
