all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
