She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
