At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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