D3 body, D1 cock
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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