Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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