When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
