I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
