they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
