My friends, they love my intelligence
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
