i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
