I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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