I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
