We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize