I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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