I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Holy sore nipples Batman
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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