swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
