I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
