i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
