i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
