NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
