I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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