i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
