my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
