im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
