i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
