Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
