yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize