um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
