I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
