I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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