I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
