Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize