Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize