great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
