textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
