Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize