I think I just saw someone hide a body.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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