From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
