Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
