happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
