So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
