So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
