Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize