My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
