I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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